His Name is Squall
by LaguNerd
Summary: What would you do if you had the chance to go back and change things? Would you take it? What would you change? Knowing the consequences would you save everything you ever loved?


A/N: This is a response to something an anon sent me on my Laguna blog. They sent, and I quote: you are given the chance to go back in time and tell your younger self (any age) one thing and have your younger self believe said thing. Now what would you tell your younger self and why? (also bonus what would your younger selfs reaction be to whatever you said?)

And I knew right away that I could not have him save Raine. It was too expected and there would have been to many consequences. Now of course by saving Squall that prevents the entirety of the game but...you knew he had to save _someone_.

I do realize that this does defeat one of the main morals of the OG: You can't change the past, no matter how painful. But it sent to me and it left an interesting opportunity to explore even more of Laguna's character.

Also, to make it hopefully somewhat easier to understand. Past Laguna/Younger Laguna speaks in regular speak and is referred to as Laguna. Older Laguna speaks in italics and is referred to as Loire.

Originally this was going to end up in Fated Circles but then I saw just how long it ended up...longer than nearly every one of my past stand alone one-shots. So...yeah. It gets it's own upload! And being posted on Laguna's birthday! Although I will likely post more today as well ^.^

* * *

He knew the timing of this would have to be precise, that going to himself at too young an age would not end well. He also, although it hurt so much he could barely think past it, knew he could not save everyone he cared about. Not without sacrificing millions of others lives, and as much as he wanted her back….he could never do that. _She_ would not want it.

So instead of doing what most would expect of him, he was arriving in the past _after_ that fateful day he had received the letter. The letter that said, in straightforward heartless words, that Raine was dead. He knew himself, obviously, and knew if he had been told of the future before that he would have abandoned Esthar in a heartbeat, leaving all its citizens to suffer. He had a duty to his country, even if Esthar had been basically forced on him. Over the years it _had_ become his home, and he would do anything to protect it….even losing his most precious home of all, Raine….

He heard the sobs before he had even come to the room and knew by those sounds that his younger self was alone. The only ones he had ever broken down in front of had been Kiros and Ward, and even they had been pushed aside in the beginning. With a deep breath he entered, knowing the anger that he would cause and prepared to face it.

Laguna had been curled up on his bed, form wrapped around one of the few photos of Raine he had left and body jerking from the force of the dry sobs, his tears having had run out long ago. He started at the sound of the door, wondering who had been able to come in, after all he had changed the password. He wanted to be alone dammit!

Eyes widened when he looked up and found himself meeting a bright emerald gaze, identical to his very own. The…. _older him_? For he certainly looked older, with grey in his hair and wrinkles pulling at the corners of his mouth and eyes and looking like he had the entire world on his shoulders. Laguna knew that feeling all too well.

"Well, I guess this would explain how you managed to get in."

Now wasn't the time to ask questions, he had a gut feeling that this was no trick, and that it was _far_ more important than anything else he had ever dealt with. And if there was one thing Laguna Loire always trusted, it was his gut. It had never proven him wrong.

The older one walked quietly over and sat down on the bed, fingers already working at a cramped leg as the reality of the situation kicked in and nerves flared high.

" _Raine is gone. That is a fact that cannot be changed. But….not everything may be lost."_

The younger stiffened at the mention of Raine, her mere name enough to send excruciatingly endless waves of grief at him that left him staggering and breathless. But he was confused, what did he mean….not everything was lost? She was gone! His _everything_ was gone! Of course there was nothing left! All he had was Esthar, the very country that he'd thrown everything away for! He was breathing heavily, eyes staring up at the other like daggers.

Loire held his hands out placatedly at his past self, having already expected the anger.

" _Let me elaborate. There is something you didn't know….about Raine. Something vitally important. Something Winhill left out."_

Bristling more at the mention of that wretched town, he let his hands clench hard on the sheets beneath him. Winhill…..they hadn't told him _anything_. Just pointed to her grave and kicked him out. He knew they hated him but….HYNE!

"What, pray tell me, did those bastard's leave out?"

Loire cringed at the language his other had used, while the anger at the villagers was still there, it _had_ waned over the years only leaving an echo of the original fire. He had forgotten how much his sheer hatred had burned for them, and knew he was likely fueling that fire into a veritable explosion now.

" _They never said how she died, did they? Never mentioned anything that happened in those long months you were away…"_

Gritting his teeth harder, Laguna quickly sat up, hands already wrapping themselves in the others collar and jerking him down. Breaths were puffing out heavily through his nose as he reigned himself back as much as he could.

"What. Did they. Leave out."

A calm hand was placed over Laguna's, gently extracting fingers from within his collar as he pushed his other back down onto the bed.

" _You have to promise me, and I'll know if you're lying, you have to promise not to freak out. Everything I say is the truth and….a life, a very important one, hangs in the balance."_

Okay now he was getting a little worried, hands planting themselves on the bed beside him to steady himself he looked the elder in the eyes as firmly as he could.

"I need to know. I feel it in my guts, this is….this is something that I need to know. Now."

Green eyes closed wearily, that had _not_ been a promise. But what right did he have to withhold the information any longer? He knew how devastating it was to both parties if the past were not changed right now, He might not be able to get his whole family back but….at least there'd still be a piece of Raine. A piece that very likely could be the best thing for his past self. A deep breath.

" _There is an orphanage, in the middle of nowhere and small. You've been there before, looking for Ellone. Edea's."_

Laguna shifted slowly on the bed, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. What did Edea have to with this? There was a tightening in his belly though and he prepared himself for whatever shocking thing could come out of the other's mouth…

" _There is a boy…..just a newborn. With grey blue eyes and brown hair. A very lonely boy, with a very lonely girl waiting for her 'Uncle'."_

Except that.

Because he knew deep in his heart exactly what was being implied. His mind worked overtime doing the mental math, it was a bit off but definitely possible. All too possible.

"Y-you can't be i-implying…"

A sigh, but he continued on, regardless of what his other was saying.

" _There is still a piece of her out there. You have two children that need you. Esthar is safe now, I know that. Now is the time to get them home, where they belong."_

Mind worked frantically again, this time trying desperately to find a way to disprove what he knew was the truth. It hurt though, Hurt that they'd had a son….a son. And he hadn't been there for either of them.

"K-kiros won't believe me, how would I even be able to leave?"

A snort and a light glare. _That_ was the best he could come up with? Loire calmed down though, realizing the confusion and disbelief that must be running through the other. And the guilt.

" _When have you ever let him keep you from doing what you know is right?"_

Laguna quieted down, head bowed and fingers clenching. He had a son. He had a SON. And that meant Ellone was with him? Then Winhill lied about her being sent to a friend. Winhill lied about everything. He had….a son.

But….wait.

Head jerked up again, eyes practically spitting fire.

"You were able to come here and tell me about my son…..why couldn't you have come earlier? WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE WARNED ME ABOUT RAINE?!"

A grim look was set on Loire's face as he assessed his younger self for a moment. Damn it all if this didn't hurt him too, if he hadn't debated with himself for the longest fucking time on whether to do just that.

" _Because. If I had, you would have dropped everything and left."_

A hand swiped to the side, catching Loire in the chest but he didn't flinch.

"Of COURSE I WOULD HAVE! What else would I do dammit!"

Another sigh, hand laying calmly on the other's shoulder, feeling how tense the younger was. How close he was to exploding….or breaking.

" _You would have left Esthar to suffer?"_

And he felt the shoulder beneath his hand freeze and bright eyes slowly rise to meet his in shock.

" _Think about it. If we had done that, would Raine be happy? Would she have wanted to live at the cost of millions?"_

"Don't talk about her like you KNOW HER!"

The hand clenched as, for the first time, Loire's calm facade cracked and anger leaked through.

" _Shut up! NEVER imply that again! I know her just as well you do…more so probably. You KNOW what her reaction would be! I hate to say it….but right know she's not the important one."_

Laguna quaked beneath the near bruising grasp the other held on him, tears breaking free again.

"She'll always be important….."

But the fight was gone from his voice and his body had relaxed to the point that Loire was the only thing actually keeping him upright. All energy had waned as reality sunk in.

" _I know…..I know…."_

Loire loosened his grip, thumb rubbing soothingly into the younger's shoulder. Soon clouded and red rimmed emerald eyes looked up.

"What…..w-what is his name?"

And Loire's face melted into a soft smile, tears now falling from _his_ eyes.

" _Squall. His name is Squall."_


End file.
